You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.”
This quote, or some variant of, makes its way around social media – ALL THE F*CKING TIME. Yeah, me and my friends are the coolest. Blah. Blah. Blah. Well, but that one guy though…
Now, what do you do about that one guy who is no longer up to par?
Do you have a friend who needs to get lost?
Thankfully, WWE has given us timeless examples of how to dump that friend of yours who is (only) a B+ (at best) player. You’re moving up. You’re moving on.
Here are 5 Ways to Dump a Friend: WWE Style.
1. Put them through a barbershop window
Everyone has a friend like Marty Jannety. He’s just, well, boring. You pity him (especially if he has a sweet mullet, too). His vanilla does not mix with your rocky road.
Well, you and your friend just may find yourselves in a barbershop and when you do, it is time to cut bait, and ditch your friend. “Sorry, bro – it’s not me. It’s you” (He’ll leave in such shame and disgrace, that he’ll find his way out through the window. Sidenote: never get your hair cut from a barber if he looks like this or this. Run.).
2. A chair to the back of the spine
You’re the chosen one. You’re the rightful heir to the future and present. You find yourself in the predicament that you need to eliminate two friends at the same time. The weaponry simply acts to neutralize the numbers advantage.
3. Your Title/Trophy to their Face
Is your friend jealous and envious of you and your standing with your significant other?
Is your friend jealous of well – you.
Don’t take their two-face, prayer saying, vitamin eating, hard training ways. They’ll attempt to move-in and steal your thunder (and your girl). Thankfully, your (Madness) ways will take matters into your own hands and your championship will find a new home -their face.
4. Tear apart their belongings
Is your friend avoiding you at all costs? Do they like to ghost your invitations? “Hey man, I want a shot at the title.” Friend: (silence). Bring in a new friend (his replacement) to serve as a manager and talking piece. When you’re the 8th Wonder of the World, you do not need to talk any more than you are required. After your new friend says what he needs, just rip off their shirt. Your sheer intensity will cause their respective religious medallion to rip off in the process, too. Sorry man – you should have just texted me back.
5. Put Their Face on TV
Does your friend blatantly lie? Do not tolerate their poor morals and character. You can do better. Once their head goes through a television, your message will come across loud and clear: you are moving on.