I decided long ago, never to walk in anyone’s shadows
If I fail, if I succeed
At least I’ll live as I believe
No matter what they take from me
They can’t take away my dignity
Because the greatest love of all
Is happening to me
I found the greatest love of all
Inside of me
The greatest love of all
Is easy to achieve
Learning to love yourself
It is the greatest love of all
-Whitney Houston – Songstress/ Former Cocaine User
*Did I really just start my first blog post ever by citing a Whitney Houston song? Ugh. Whatever. Michael Masser and Linda Creed wrote it… You get the point… Thanks Wikipedia….
Living Single? Me too.
This year commenced with my personal life rapidly spiraling out of control. After 5 years of marriage, my relationship was crumbling, divorce was impending, and I found myself trying understand how I had reached this point while simultaneously attempting to grasp the idiosyncrasies of single life in a very different world.
Dating? Terrifying. Tinder, Match, POF, Bumble, OKCupid, eHarmony, DateACougar…..
What. The. Hell.
Having found myself unexpectedly single in my early 30’s, I was clueless to this new world of web-based dating services that my single friends were raving about. Dating sites have taken over the web. According to Pew Research, use of online dating sites or mobile apps by young adults has TRIPLED since 2013.
So why “swipe” to find love?
Simple – I didn’t love myself. Actually, I didn’t really even like myself… and there are many of you living every day in the same state of mind. Whether you are a seasoned, professional dater, or have found yourself newly single like yours truly, our culture has gravitated towards a mind frame that relies on EVERYTHING/EVERYONE but ourselves for happiness and contentment. In this 4-part series, I will be discussing the methods that I have used to find personal prosperity, and how I plan on using these newly unlocked achievements to re-enter the dating scene with a whole new perspective.
Put down the mobile device, and step AWAY from Tinder….
Step 1: Delete the dating apps. Seriously. Hold your finger on the app until it wobbles, and then push the “x” button. I know that window shopping and empty flings are fun, and that acquiring “matches” are great for the ego, but we have work to do, and dating apps are taking up precious time that we will need to focus on energizing our own mind and soul. Don’t worry, they will still be in the app store when you are ready.
Step 2: Seeking Solace in Solitude. Learn to live happy completely alone. Find time for personal reflection, identifying personal flaws, focusing on health/fitness, setting new goals, and stepping out of your comfort zone and trying new things.
Step 3: Getting Your Shit Straight: Time to man-up and become an adult. When we reach this step, we will work on organizing and implementing the goals that we have set during our “alone time” to establish accountability. Some of these measures will include mapping out our goals, making a budget, keeping a schedule/calendar, and working on our career. Organization and success result in happiness (and chicks dig dudes that have their shit together).
Step 4: Showtime! Once life is in order and we have discovered a new control and cognizance of ourselves, it’s finally time to test the waters and reemerge into the dating scene. *Please note, this very important step can pop up unexpectedly and time is of the essence, so it’s time to get to work!
I am living out this 4-step plan as I scribble out this first post (lurking somewhere between getting my shit straight and showtime….). I can happily report so far that I have reached an almost euphoric state of happiness for the first time in 32 years. Stop relationship-hopping and searching for happiness and love in all the wrong places, because
Learning to love yourself, It is the greatest love of all.